Last week I spoke about goals and visions at the Portland CRAVE event. The following is an excerpt.
Many of us have set goals that were never achieved. In the business world, we need to create annual goals to grow our business and our personal lives. I say create a vision that you connect with and take steps toward that vision.
- They must be intrinsic
We fail miserably at our goals. Why do you think in January the gyms fill up and by March they are nearly empty? Well-meaning people are trying to get fit, lose 15 pounds, lower their cholesterol, etc. That’s because their goals are not that important to them. They may think they are important, but they really don’t believe it. Your vision needs to be intrinsic-it need only matter to you.
For instance, one of my colleagues and I recently met for happy hour. Over cosmopolitans she said, “I want to get skinny.” She’s been saying that for years, so I asked her, “What do you really want? What do you think will happen if you get skinny?” She thought for a moment, and her eyes welled with tears. . Her answer was to be loved. Her family and friends, of course, love her. She meant romantic love. Wow! I asked, “So if the right man for you loved and adored you and kissed you all over your body just as it is right now, would you still want to be skinny?” She said, “No, I ‘d like to be skinnier for my health, but not to be loved.”
You see what I’m saying. Sometimes what we believe is our goal is not our goal at all. That’s why it’s important to emotionally connect with the goal. Otherwise, we will not complete it, and then we will feel bad about ourselves, and tell ourselves we are a loser and that we never finish anything.
- They must be fluid
Your goals should be fluid. That is, don’t write them in stone. Five years ago, when I went through coach training, I wanted to be a coach inside of an organization. Three years after that, I had the realization that I could be an entrepreneur. For another two years, I worked on creating a niche and finally realized my vision last June. I am a full-time entrepreneur. It’s not because I could not achieve the goal of being an internal coach; it’s because my vision changed.
- You must create the fulfilling life that you want NOW and not wait for the goal to be accomplished
Another thing to consider when working towards a vision: What is your frame of mind? In other words, what are you doing to create positivity in your life?
There is a staggering amount of research that demonstrates that when you are feeling positive, you think clearer, are more productive, more creative, and are highly motivated and that results in success. That’s right, being happy PRECEDES success.
So, while you are working on your vision, create a life that feels good. Over the last six months I have practiced some sort of activity to increase my happiness. I find a new activity that resonates with me and I do it. I write cards and letters to strangers. Here’s the website www.moreloveletters.com . That act actually creates oxytocin, also known as the “bonding hormone.” That makes me feel connected and allows me to be creative and move my vision forward.
- Get some accountability
In the Army, recruits are assigned battle buddies. Battle buddies are with you on and off the field. They motivate you and have your back. There are countless stories of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars where battle buddies have walked into gunfire to save their buddy. They also kick their butts when they are doing something stupid or help motivate them to do better.
As a coach, that’s exactly one of the things I provide for my clients. Most of my clients have a big agenda item that they want to move forward. I provide the feedback for them when that is not happening. By having a battle buddy, you can create accountability.
Without some form of accountability, many of us will not move forward. The key to a battle buddy is to find someone who is not your long term best friend, because they will let you get away with anything. Find someone who has strengths that are different than your own, and get to know them.
- What makes you shut down?
- What makes you move forward?
- How do you like feedback?
- How can I know if I’ve gone too far?
Battle buddies need to be:
- God listeners
- Curious
- Committed
I encourage you to go out and find your battle buddy who will support you in your achieving your amazing goals for 2014. If you find that your goals are not resonating with you, then try my Goal Definer. Uncover your real vision.